Murder My Heart and Throw it Away
by Royal Amphitrite
Summary: Izaya took what he wanted, when he wanted, from who he wanted. And once he got his answers, he throws whatever he uses away. Well, there's a thing called 'Karma', and now, it's his turn to be screwed with. ALS:1.


Izaya missed her.

He would never admit it, the feeling of her touch, her breath on his ear, her smell, her voice, all memories, and experiences. Experiences he missed.

Though no one would believe it, Izaya had worked hard to get where he is. He had to let a lot of things go, give up much of his pride for him to have the power he had now. To sate his curiosity.

To have everyone under his beck and call, each a piece to a game of chess that he always wanted to win.

But some of those pieces had to be thrown away. Including her.

Don't get it twisted, sometimes he had enough power over her to call her back to him, to own her once again, even if for a short time. But it always ended the same.

" _I'm so tired of falling for you're tricks, of feeling this anxiety and worry and anger and depression whenever I'm involved with you!"_

" _Oh baby, you'll be fine. I'm sorry, really. I won't do this to you anymore I promise."_

And she would leave. Tired of lies and half-truths and his manipulations.

But she would always come back.

Always.

So Izaya wondered, as he stared at his phone, waiting for her to text him, as he stood outside her house, waiting for her to open the door after she peeks through the curtains, as he leans against her car, begging her to just roll down her window.

Why wasn't she coming back this time?

What was wrong, what has changed?

Surely, she didn't learn. No, of course she didn't regain her sense.

He met her as she walked out of Rin's apartment, smiling. The expression turned dry once she locked eyes with him.

" _What?" She always glares._

" _Come back."_

" _No, bastard." He missed her loving gaze, her sweet nick-names._

" _Why the heck not?" He genuinely wonders why._

" _Because, this, us, it's toxic."_

" _That's what makes it special." That is what keeps him going, the magic of their relationship._

" _You're crazy, Izaya! I'm not spiraling down into that darkness with you!"_

" _How boring. It turns out you really are just a brainless concubine." He doesn't mean that, he just wants her to feel the same pain in his chest. He wants her throat to feel dry, and her tongue salty, and a tightening in her stomach, as if her rib cage is being crushed by something heavy. Because that's what she makes him feel, and he wants to know why he feels it. She'll tell him._

" _You jerk!"_

" _Say it again, I like it when you're angry."_

She didn't say it again, she simply walked past0 him, her head held high, and her hands clenched.

She didn't leave without slapping him though.

His right cheek still stung.

Truthfully, Izaya was confused. She loved him, didn't she? What was stopping her from coming back? It was painful for the both of them, the process, but that was what interested him. What was this feeling, that made humans' do ridiculous things, lose all common sense? Love was just sugar coating the ugliness of it all, Izaya wanted to find that ugliness, the nasty that was hiding behind a false word that made everybody feel better about their feelings, about their mental health, really.

And he confronted her, because he wanted answers, and all this pain, and loss, and work to get what he wants. He wasn't going to be denied by some speck of life.

But he realizes he has lost. And he wished he never played this game. Curiosity kills your heart, he knows that now. And he's learned that love is not some complicated disgusting act, no it was simple, love is a murderer.

" _Come back, please baby."_

" _I can't, Izaya."_

" _I thought you loved me?"_

" _I do."_

" _I love you."_

" _I know."_

" _What changed?"_

" _Love is a murderer, Izaya. And though you've never killed mine, you've still tortured my heart with your love. I won't kill you, babe. I can't do that to you, no matter how much my love is confused with hate."_

" _What are saying?"_

" _You've let me heal, and I'm letting you go. I won't kill you, Izaya, it's my turn to let you go."_

She let him go.

Threw him away.

And at this point, Izaya wished she had just killed him.

* * *

 **All you Izaya fans, don't kill me, I beg of you. I know if anyone reads this I'm going to get a lot of slack, but please, if you review, don't be rude, I know he's OOC , and I knew that was going to happen, that was kind of the point, so leave nice comments, or constructive criticism, not the obvious.**

 **I know this is so OOC it's past cringy, but I wanted a new side of Izaya, my own, made up side. Though this is a technical challenge, it's only for myself but if any of you writers want to join in then go ahead. Here's what this is, I call it, the 'After the Love Story' challenge, or A.L.S., choose five-eight of your favorite, or any characters and write short drabbles of them and an OC (original character) specifically** _ **after**_ **their story together, so they have to be in a relationship, or broken up. The only rule, they all have to be single in real life. Like I said, this is a challenge only for me, as it helps with writer's block, but anyone can join in!**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading, would say R &R but you already know.**

 _ **Love, R.A.**_


End file.
